Beyond Repair
by Ria Sakazaki
Summary: I am loyal to him to the very end. I'd give him my life if he asked me to...but he pushed me away. He was the one who raised the hatchet and cut off my lifeline. I didn't give him my life...he demanded it. He asked for my death. Tragic drabbles...angst TezuRyo
1. Chapter 1

Minna-san! This is just a short series that I spun out in my frustration to update My Immortal. Stupid me for leaving my doodle pad which has an entire chapter written in it inside my locker at the hospital. Stupid, stupid me.

Well anyway, I have to let out some steam and sadly you're at the receiving end. Let's just say it's a post-valentine's day outburst.

This is probably the darkest piece I've ever done…but I need to warn you. This is fragmented because this is based on Fix You...which I don't have the time to update if I wanted to finish My Immortal. It has a little flavor of Will you still love me tomorrow at the beginning but that's where it ends.

YAOI'S NOT DEAD! Hated the femryos and the hets flooding POT section of FF. Sorry guys.

This is written in Ryoma's POV.

As usual, I don't own POT…I treasure it. Wherever, whenever Takeshi Konomi stops, I start. Thanks guys!

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

"You promised me." I never thought these three words could be spoken with so much spite in them that it makes your skin crawl.

But I still stupidly stood my ground. I stood there facing him; his godly devastated look was tearing me apart. What did I do? I couldn't remember, for the life of me, the thing that he was accusing me of. The anger in hose hazel eyes unhinged me. After so many weeks of hard work, he finally looked at me with tenderness but I guess all that effort had gone to waste.

I don't like that way he looks me now. It makes me feel dirty...but no in a good way.

"So you're not going to say anything?" I know he's trying to hold on to his composure but is steadily losing it. "You're not going to deny it? Well I guess it is true then."

"I shouldn't have expected you to hold on to your promise with you being a..." An invisible hand squeezed by heart so tight it felt like bursting. I know what was coming next and I know I have to do something to...I don't know, redeem myself.

"Being a what, Buchou?" My mouth automatically shut off and I regretted it that instant. "I'm sorry." I cast my eyes downward, unable to take the hatred from his eyes. "I seriously don't know what you're talking about." I fidgeted, I know. It's not helping my case and neither is the presence of my teammates.

For the first time in two years, I feel lost. I have lost control.

"If you're referring to my promise to be loyal—"

"Enough!" Kunimitsu's voice almost rattled the entire clubhouse. He never yelled...ever. I guess I'm making him do a lot of "firsts" and I may be able to empathize with the pressure he is in if I'm not being judged like a murderous whore right now.

I saw how Fuji, that damn boy-bitch, ran towards Kunimitsu and acted as if he's trying to hold him back. I fought back the urge to scoff. If I don't know him any better, I bet he's trying to cop a feel during the process. I tuned my mind back to this beautiful devastated, handsome boy before me. He looked like he's in so much pain that it made me want to hold him tight.

An action, which I think would cost me my arms right at this moment.

My throat felt like it had been swimming in a bowl of gastric juices for a few hours. I know I have to say something. I didn't break my promise. I swear. That's what I wanted to yell back but my vocal chords somehow forgot to operate. My chest started to swell with dread. I didn't sleep with Houo or Kazuya. I swear!

But I couldn't find my voice. My body betrayed me. I feel like sinking into the ground and never, ever emerge.

I watched in defeat as Fuji stood up and gave me that same "You-shouldn't-have-taken-my-stuff-now-poor-you" look. "I guess it's best for everyone if you leave first Echizen. We have already created quite a scene."

I blinked back a couple of times. Yeah, the entire Seigaku tennis club stood witness to this atrocity and all I could think about it how it's going to reflect on Kunimitsu's image. But I need to come clean. I need...I need him to hear me out.

"But—I—"

"Echizen." Another surprising note, I flinched. I never thought my name could be said with so much ice. I helplessly tried to meet his gaze but just the same, all I saw in those hazel eyes were hatred...hatred for me.

I felt something broke in my chest. In the haze of it all I couldn't identify what it was. I felt something shut off inside my mind but I was concentrating on his fleeting image before my eyes.

I was willing to change everything that I am... reversing every shitty decision I've made in life just to be with him.

Tezuka Kunimutsu... my savior, my downfall, my love, my lifeline, my death.

"Just leave." He looked extremely hurt. Hope spun inside my already shattered heart but no."I don't want to see you right now." Hope entangled it to squeeze it tighter hoping it would stop beating. "Just leave me alone and stay out of my life."

My body suddenly became slack, my tensed arms unlocked. My world is crushing down and I couldn't, for the life of me, even lift up my hands to save whatever crumbling pieces I could catch.

"I shouldn't have let you in." I heard him muttered under his breath. He's losing control now and to add salt to my injuries, I caused it. "I knew it, right from the start."

"You are just a boy with a pretty face who can play tennis."

Everything stopped. My mind went blank. I must have overloaded my pain sensors because now I feel numb. I couldn't comprehend the situation anymore. What's left of my consciousness was wrapped around his last words and a meek flash of a distant memory.

_"I'll stop seeing the others if you promise that you won't push me away." _

I stopped fighting. I knew, deep inside my heart, that I lost. I have lost everything once, it's not like there was a guarantee that history will not repeat itself. However, my loss this time seemed more devastating than before. Albeit this is only one person compared to three but still, second-time failure is much more painful especially when you've worked so hard to overcome the first one.

"I—I understand."

"I'm sorry for having troubled you for the past few weeks. I really am."

I stopped looking for a ray of hope in those hazel eyes. I hung my head low and willed my feet to move. I walked away from him without a clue of where to go but I'm certain that I cannot come back here. The rest of the blur before my eyes just parted easily to lead me to the door.

I won't look back. I won't look back. I won't look back!

Because if I do, I'd lose all sense of self-respect I have left for myself and ran back to him, grovel at his feet and beg him to let me stay.

I can't do that. I won't do that. Because if I did, I'd be admitting that I have broken my promise which I didn't.

I am loyal to him to the very end. I'd give him my life if he asked me to...but he pushed me away. He was the one who raised the hatchet and cut off my lifeline. I didn't give him my life...he demanded it.

He asked for my death.

A/N: this is the first installment to "Beyond Repair", a lose spin-off from "Fix you". I just had to get this out…sorry. I'm just so frustrated. This is just a miniseries…little below the usual 5k word chappies I produce. This happened deeper into Fix you but these ideas are blocking my ideas for My Immortal. I can always incorporate it into Fix You once I get around to writing it.

So just the same…please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Minna-san! This is just a short series that I spun out in my frustration to update My Immortal. Stupid me for leaving my doodle pad which has an entire chapter written in it inside my locker at the hospital. Stupid, stupid me.

Well anyway, I have to let out some steam and sadly you're at the receiving end. Let's just say it's a post-valentine's day outburst.

This is probably the darkest piece I've ever done…but I need to warn you. This is fragmented because this is based on Fix You...which I don't have the time to update if I wanted to finish My Immortal. It has a little flavor of Will you still love me tomorrow at the beginning but that's where it ends.

YAOI'S NOT DEAD! Hated the femryos and the hets flooding POT section of FF. Sorry guys.

This is written in Ryoma's POV.

As usual, I don't own POT…I treasure it. Wherever, whenever Takeshi Konomi stops, I start. Thanks guys!

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"We better skedaddle before anyone shows up."

I kept my eyes closed as I listened to their hurried footsteps. I don't know why but if I wanted everything to end right now, I should've opened them and screamed at the top of my lungs, secretly hoping one of them would panic and hit my head with a rock.

That would be a sweet, sweet death. A death well deserved by a whore like me. I now realized that it was the term Tezuka (I stopped called him Kunimitsu, it's proper I think), was going to use to describe me earlier.

But no! I have to suffer.

I tried to even out my breathing, working my brain into controlling my body again. There were three of them and only one of me. My body's literally and metaphorically breaking apart. I know I must be bleeding in my ass as they took me two at a time. I know if I don't die of blunt force trauma to the head, I would eventually succumb to massive bleeding and infection.

Everything aches. I slowly, gingerly pulled my body to sit, meaningless tears washing my face with traces of their essence. I spotted my bag not too far from where I was so I crawled, like a lowly maggot. The greenery was far too dense this area...a perfect rape/date spot.

Too convenient.

I winced as I took out my spare clothes and put them on. I gathered what's left of my clothes earlier and rolled it into a pack. It should keep the blood from dripping down my thighs as I walk.

My house was not too far away and the twilight will give my enough camouflage. I've decided that if I'm going to die today, might as well be in the comforts of my house. It's still a long way though, given my condition. But I'll survive...like I always did.

Because being a boy with a pretty face and being able to play tennis has one perk, my body is not fragile. My stomach started to hurl and I gagged as I spilled my guts and their essence onto the ground. I was secretly hoping that they'd push too hard and end up choking me but having had practice again made me evade death.

I spat out the bile in my mouth, a more welcoming taste before I pulled myself to stand, I'm not broken anywhere expect for my spirit.

I'm not going to call the cops. I won't call Kazuya or Houo either.

Who's going to care if a whore got gang-banged? No one.

No one will care.

I'm not worth anything.

I am nothing.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: I'm so cruel. I know. I'm that twisted right now.

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Minna-san! This is just a short series that I spun out in my frustration to update My Immortal. Stupid me for leaving my doodle pad which has an entire chapter written in it inside my locker at the hospital. Stupid, stupid me.

Well anyway, I have to let out some steam and sadly you're at the receiving end. Let's just say it's a post-valentine's day outburst.

This is probably the darkest piece I've ever done…but I need to warn you. This is fragmented because this is based on Fix You...which I don't have the time to update if I wanted to finish My Immortal. It has a little flavor of Will you still love me tomorrow at the beginning but that's where it ends.

YAOI'S NOT DEAD! Hated the femryos and the hets flooding POT section of FF. Sorry guys.

This is written in Ryoma's POV.

As usual, I don't own POT…I treasure it. Wherever, whenever Takeshi Konomi stops, I start. Thanks guys!

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The smell of bleach woke me up from a seemingly eternal slumber. Other than that I don't feel anything.

Actually, I feel like my head's been detached to my body and I'm off floating somewhere. Light was playing before my closed eyelids. It bothered me. I thought hell was supposed to be dark and smelled of rotting or burning flesh.

"Welcome back Ryoma."

I opened my eyes tentatively and I saw the idiotic face of my guardian, Itaru Saitō. Ever since my entire family was annihilated, he took it upon himself, as a friend to my father, to look after me.

"I don't want to be back."

He blinked black a couple of times as my words wrapped around his mind. His usually smiling face was now set into a frown. "You were raped Ryoma. Why didn't you go straight to the hospital?" His face was so tensed that I know he's doing his best not to shout me into shock.

"I found you passed out by the door—"

I closed my eyes again. Everything…from the club room to Tezuka banishing me, to his house where I said goodbye to Ayana-san and ultimately to the park where I…

"I don't have amnesia." My parched throat managed to croak out. "I remember everything."

I opened my eyes again and instantly regretted it. Saitō's face didn't look angry anymore. All I saw was pity and I feel like I'm starting to drown in it. Luckily, he still had his wits about him.

"You must be thirsty. You've been asleep for days. It must've been the pain medication." He poured me a glass of water and held it out to me. "They-they had to operate on you immediately so..." He trailed off, looking at me curiously.

I just stared back at him blankly. I supposed he hasn't found out yet. I weakly lifted up my right arm and took the glass. I watched him carefully through the rim as I took a little sip. He's not supposed to know yet.

I have to keep it a secret a little longer...to save myself some pride. I'm falling apart, piece by piece. I don't know who I am...what I am exactly.

All I know is I was a boy with a pretty face who could play tennis. Sadly... one of those adjectives was disappearing as well.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: I'm so cruel. I know. I'm that twisted right now.

Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Minna-san! This is just a short series that I spun out in my frustration to update My Immortal. Stupid me for leaving my doodle pad which has an entire chapter written in it inside my locker at the hospital. Stupid, stupid me.

Well anyway, I have to let out some steam and sadly you're at the receiving end. Let's just say it's a post-valentine's day outburst.

This is probably the darkest piece I've ever done…but I need to warn you. This is fragmented because this is based on Fix You...which I don't have the time to update if I wanted to finish My Immortal. It has a little flavor of Will you still love me tomorrow at the beginning but that's where it ends.

YAOI'S NOT DEAD! Hated the femryos and the hets flooding POT section of FF. Sorry guys.

This is written in Ryoma's POV.

As usual, I don't own POT…I treasure it. Wherever, whenever Takeshi Konomi stops, I start. Thanks guys!

IMPORTANT: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER OF THIS MINI SERIES/DRABBLES! Will Elaborate more on Fix You

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I don't recognize the person in front of me. I don't know who he is and why he's staring back at me with confusion...fear.

I want to ask who he is. I asked who he is but he was asking the same thing.

Who are you?

I tried to move my left arm to swat him away but it limply hung to my side. It won't move...I—I can't make it move. It's just there, pale and lifeless...almost looking like a boneless length of wrapped meat.

When Saitō first found out, he freaked out. The prince of tennis cannot move his left arm. He had doctors after doctors look at it and have my problem diagnosed but no one could. Electrical tests told them my brain still send impulses, albeit weak ones, but that shouldn't hinder movement. Blood was still flowing normally through the veins, keeping it well oxygenated and nourished.

So why do I have a hanging limp, wrapped meatloaf attached to my shoulder?

Three doctors, a neurologist, a psychologist and a psychiatrist, echoed the same theory. It won't move unless I want it to move.

Meaning...I'm a severe nutcase.

Back to the person before me. He looked back at me blankly, a hint of sadness and question in those golden eyes. Are we the same? I asked myself.

They gave me a mantra to keep me grounded in reality. That was supposed to be the first step. They made me repeat these words

"I am Echizen Ryoma, fifteen years old"

"I am first year high school student at Seigaku high.

"I play tennis."

But these words are meaningless. This is not who I am. I remember people, Tezuka, telling me who I really am.

"I am just a boy who has a pretty face who can play tennis."

But these words seem false as well. I cannot move my arm. I cannot play tennis anymore.

I am just a pretty face.

I blinked a couple of times and saw the stranger before me blinked as well. I realized, he's not even pretty. His face was bruised with a busted upper lip. His hair was in disarray, his skin pale and pasty...just like me.

I grabbed the vase sitting on top of the sink with my right hand. I gripped it hard as anger boiled deep inside my chest.

I am worthless. Whatever value I have left, no matter how small it was, has been halved because I cannot play tennis anymore.

I drove the vase hard against the mirror, savoring how the two broke and crumble beneath my fingers. I took deep breaths.

I looked at the stranger in the mirror again and smiled at his fragmented image.

I took a piece of the broken mirror and held it to my face. I pressed the shard against my skin and hissed at the first sight of blood.

"I am Echizen Ryoma."

"And I am nothing."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: I'm so cruel. I know. I'm that twisted right now. You might get upset with me but this is the end. Will tell more in Fix you…hoping I get to finish My Immortal soon. I love you guys!

Please review!


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